This is the book i am writing that i tell people about....it is about a girl after finding love and losing it three times her freind Sebastion aka Seth wants to tell her something....this is the part where she finds out he is a vampire the main's name is Amliea Ivory Mcaddams...

'I felt the cold snow hit my face and the wind gentley blowing my hair around my face.I zipped my jacket and began to swing.

"Amilea?"I heard a fmailler voice whisperd

"Yeah" I said turning around to see Seth looking better then ever but pale.He looked sadder."Seth!!!!"I yelled I jumped out of the swing almost falling.I Threw my arms around him."I've missed you so much"I breathed in his cheast

"I've missed you two...Amliea I Have to tell you something that is killing me"

"what is it"

"I'm just gonna come out and say it...."

"What Seth Tell Me"


"Amliea"he whisper and his teeth sharpend and his eyes turned black a coal.He opened his mouth looking mean he quickly turned his head breathing and panting.

"Seth"I said sacred...backing up.he looked up with Fear,saddness,haterd,and counfusein in his black eyes.

"Amliea,Would it be so upscene to tell that everything you told me that night about...vampires is real"he hissed.





so what you think


tell the truth about it

i know i know lots of typeo's
sorry

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"Amliea,Would it be so upscene " change upscene to obscene.

You can also guess the typeos here:
"Amilea?"I heard a fmailler voice whisperd
sharpend and his eyes turned black a coal
"Seth"I said sacred...backing up.he looked up with Fear,saddness,haterd,and counfusein in his black eyes.

I really like the idea, just be careful not to be to obvious or simple in your expression, be descriptive and some times a subtlety to your expression and the conversation between people can go a long way.

One thing i would alter, in my opinion would be this line:
"Yeah" I said turning around to see Seth looking better then ever but pale.He looked sadder."Seth!!!!"I yelled I jumped out of the swing almost falling.I Threw my arms around him."I've missed you so much"I breathed in his cheast

I would change it to something like this: "Yeah" I said as i turned around to see the familiar face of Seth, my dear friend. He appeared to have a new grace and vibrance to him, although deathly pale. I jumped from the swing, almost falling, then threw my arms around him. I gripped him tight, "I've missed you so much" I exclaimed breathing into his chest.


I really like the premise of your story. The personal tragedy of the female character then the sudden revelation from Seth, promises to be an interesting drama.

Hope my input was of use and you do well with your book.

-Draven.

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