Well, how to start. It's nothing like some of the others here, I'm unaware of any previous life or reincarnation of myself or my soul, so as far as I'm concerned, I am a nineteen year old lady, in body and soul and otherwise.

Over the last few years I've begun to sort of.. search for something I was completely unaware of. I was looking for an explaination to why I was always on another level of awareness as those around me, on some seperate wavelength as my friends and family. I was always looking for an answer, searching for that deficit in my life. Insert term 'Vampirism' here.

I think I'll just call myself a hybrid, purely for the fact that I'm not exactly certain on just what I'm capable of, or interested in - because all this time, out of shyness and embarassment, I have held myself back from exploration. Stumbling on this site sure helps some. I look at life with a newfound enthusiasm, and I'm noticing the lifeforce pulsing in the lightblue veins just below our skin, and craving it. Needing it.

Let's go back a tad. I used to be a 'cutter', but have been trying to stray from the urge to see my own blood, as I'm repulsed by my own unexplained desires. I used to abuse muscle relaxants and other prescription drugs in attempt to 'numb' my odd, unknown cravings for.. something. I was about 12 when I first drew blood intentionally from my own body, just because. I suppose I was autovampiric for a few years. My first boyfriend (whom I dated from 13-18.. I form longterm commitments with people I can draw energy from..) was openminded enough to test the bloodlust with me. He'd bite my neck until I bled, draw blades across my skin, and let me do the same. I'd lick the blades clean. Ps, I've never admitted to any of this previously. I'd just always needed the adrenaline rush of LIFE that could poor out of someone.
Eventually, I realized I could get a lesser, though similar 'high' just off of someones energy. I began my psi-vampirism without really knowing it, by about 15. I learnt to manipulate those around me to suit what I needed at the time. This continued on....

Present day, I absolutely crave the energy of others. I am an empath at heart, and wear the mask of others emotions brightly on my face. If it's anger I seek, I'll provoke an arguement with the ones closest to me. Be it giddyness, I'll surround myself with the shallower, more care-free aqcuaintances in my life, drawing the happiness from them. But I spose' being a girl, I mostly just enjoy.. "feeding".. off of the emotions of true love, and sexual deviancies. The sexual energy high is my favourite. Now if only I could find someone willing to combine this, with my sanguine tendancies.. *drool*. Anyways.

My whole life I've been embracing change. Always altering myself and my appearance to try finding what it was I was looking for, who I was trying to be. I'm big into the inked, dyed, and pierced thing. Agony is ecstacy, after all. I thought I was just a freak. But really, it's a whole other wavelength. I'm on another frequency, another sublevel of awareness and hunger. And I'm finally starting to open up, accept it, and delve headfirst into it.

And, most revealing and embarassing of all, I've always had an almost.. fetishist's craving for blood. To run my tongue along it, touch it, explore it. To let flow my own, to give my own, as well as suckle from the most intense energy source of all of them. Ha! I've just been much too ashamed and introverted to take the steps beyond admitting it. Great, now I'm blushing.




See, not an interesting story of origin. Ah well. Any questions, don't hesitate.

It definately kept me interested. Some things you described were similarly experienced by me, some i havent personally experienced. You've proabably acted on some things i'd like to but haven't.

Although i'm not personally into just cutting myself to bleed and stuff im in no way judge mental or appalled by what you've said. Also, i've got serious sanguine tendencies i have never expressed that are coming more and more to the fore front and will probably need to be realised, although i am frustrated as to how to accomplish this. It certainly looks like a difficult obstacle to actually get to drinking blood. I too wish i could find someone whom i could explore my sexual and sanguine natures with. Hmm, i didn't mean to start going on, i merely wanted to say that this was anything but an uninteresting story of origin. In some ways it was quite a confronting story, well i found the cutting parts confronting and your story was very vivid. Usually i would be more concerned about someone who cut themselves but from your story it seemed to have more meaning and you progressed on from it and it was tied to many other things and urges and sort of an expression of frustrations and desires, that made it less shocking and more sensible. These are some thoughts of mine anyway, PM me if you'd like to.

And well done for surpassing your embarrassment and admitting your story.
Very intruiging.

-D.

Oh and i know the temptation to be dismissive and self deprecating in embarrassment and shyness but you should perhaps try to get out of that habit, go for more confidence and conviction and belief in yourself and the possibilities, logically analyse your experiences and try and pin point them as much as possible with and open mind and you don't need to be sorry about what you think you have discovered, just admit the possibility - or when - you are wrong and be willing to learn. Those are my two cents.

-D.

ok one question..... was i suppose to find dullness because i didnt, not one word. This story reminds me of what I go thru now. I see know why i like to argue with my fiancee. Or why i feel her emotions when I ask her whats wrong. I use to and sometimes now still cut myself just to kill an emotion from others, I love the feeling of energy but i indulge in blood so much more. You have come to the right place for seeking what you need to understand and study. This was an interesting story and hope to know more about what you have learned and grown from.

Thanks for the kind words and understanding. I'm glad I could at least add insight to your own thoughts ^^.