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Old 04-06-2008, 06:21 PM
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Exclamation The Demon



alright, this is my first poem, go easy on me? no, honest opinions would be great.

I sit alone in my room
Waiting for this certain doom
It slowly takes full control
As it takes a very deadly toll
The walls covered full of shadow
I feel the insanity flow
Who is going to save me?
Help me! Rescue me!
Someone please save my soul!
I’m trying so hard
To keep it together
But soon I’ll certainly
Be lost forever
In my insanity,
There is no reality
I cannot see
I cannot hear
But I can feel
My rage and fear
A wave of power
Comes in full
It beats me down
At the midnight hour
I lose myself
In the shades of black
I fear for your life
For the demon is back.

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Old 04-06-2008, 11:57 PM
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Default RE: The Demon

ohhh.... I like it! Excellent job for a first poem!
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Old 04-07-2008, 01:04 AM
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Default RE: The Demon

I agree! Nice job
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Old 04-11-2008, 02:50 PM
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Default RE: The Demon

thanks guys, 'preciate it.
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Old 04-11-2008, 11:10 PM
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Default RE: The Demon

You asked for honesty, I won't be too harsh.

It started out with a different pattern than it ended with. That can be bad for the flow. I liked the end better.

Overall, it wasn't a bad poem.

You should try a non-rhyming piece. I find that I have much more freedom that way, to express my emotions.


I'll be waiting to read the some more from you!
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